turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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