Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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