I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
