Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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