If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
