and you said cock pushups were impossible
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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