Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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