you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
