just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
