worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
