I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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