just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
