well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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