And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
