alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
