I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
