i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
