1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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