i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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