My brain says no but my pants say off.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
