I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
