I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
