come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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