fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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