every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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