Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
