there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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