you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
