just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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