Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
