i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm really into asian looking animals
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
