She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
