Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
