i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and she was petting her beer can
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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