used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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