I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
