What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
As shirtless as possible
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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