I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i out mim tonsoeep
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