I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
