i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
