Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize