I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
