yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
