theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize