I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
