I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
