sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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