Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
God, I missed his penis.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
