I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
