I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
