You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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