Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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