I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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