Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
