Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
