Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
