I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
