im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize