Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
