I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
