I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize