Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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