OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
