11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
