we have pet lesbian snakes
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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