When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
