hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
