so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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