take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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