all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
