her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize