im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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