apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
