Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize