So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
