I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize