you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
