i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's the barista slut.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
