Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
