Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
