just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
