hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize