oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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