If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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