Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
